Christ and his anger...

You know...the part in the entire bible..that always seemed weird to me....is when jesus goes to jerusalem...and wrecks the temple for turning it into a casinoy, market place. That...I think...is where the words start to distort for me. His followers were recording the events. So these stories are from their perspective. His followers...which were absolutely subjective to jesus' plight. ...but the historical record of crucifixion. People were crucified for even simple crimes. Is it not plausible, that his messianic claims irritated the temple...but by wrecking the market....those actions, angered them. Destroying the livelihood of the operators of those shops etc. Those owners demanded that jesus be punished...and the temple understood...and they too were outraged.

My question is.... could it be...that...

Jesus was crucified for destroying the temple...
But was simply mocked for his claims of being the messiah?
And since his followers recorded the events...in the mindset of jesus being the messiah, exaggerated the importance of his martyrdom...but diminished the importance of actions of destroying the market?

I know it seems stupid to put so much on such a seemingly pointless detail. But...considering the reasons for crucifixion...is it so far fetched?

The strength of religious conviction has always given way to falsehoods. Crying statues of Mary. Stigmata. Self proclaimed prophets. The modern day church, turning into a marketplace, apparently far far far from jesus. But
Done in the name of jesus, and god. A falsehood on behalf of those in charge of the church.

I'm only writing this because, its been rolling around my head for a while....

Its ok baby to fall apart, that far from me.
I can't put back, everything we were supposed to be,
The way it all fell away inside, the culprit,
Was this, 
a broken heart,
Miles away, another year to start,

I wish I could stop feeling.

This is very simple.
Stay in bed with me.
That's all I want.
And wake up when we want.
I don't know...just the prospect of waking up
To a beautiful face smiling at me...

Sitting, talking with her.
I smiled, she smiled.
We looked into each others eyes.
It felt great. She makes me feel like
I matter. Her sweetness.

I hope it always causes you pain.
In the same way it will, me.

I stop being busy....and everything collapses.
This is so fucking stupid.
I'm thinking of her.
I just need to do something else.
I'm sure she has someone else.
And I can't even really imagine it.
I just need to remove that part of my brain.
But its hard...considering the roots of it all...go right through me. But I have to try...there's really no option.
Something or someone new has to come into my life.
Or I'm going to drown. I can feel it.

She contacted me....

I haven't spoken to her in two weeks.
She texted me. I didn't reply.