i have surgery today. Kidney stones.

Mom finished her cancer treatments.

Her surgery was successful. Cancer free.

Looking for houses to buy. 

Found a few interesting prospects.

Im refocusing on art. I want it to be my life.

I want to give in. All the way. 

Im no good at love. It depresses me.

I fill myself with the other. I lose myself.

Yes, im happy in the mean time. Learning about them. Making them laugh.

But me, when i settle. When i have to return to my normal state, and they are subject to that.

My silence. My solitude. My work. 

There is no way they could love that part of me.

Anyway. 

I want to give up social media.

But its the only connection to the outside world.

Busy month.

Have a few things that im working on.

tmax 400 / 400 iso

oils

#mixedmedia #acrylic #ink #spraypaint #oil #art #darksurrealism #darkart
#industrial #industrialmusic #goth #gothmusic #horror #horrormovie #cyberpunk #biomechanical #cyberpunk2077 #projectorion #cyberpunk2 #cdprojectred #japanesecyberpunk #slagseed 

slagseed - "777" EP - mobcore chicago records

released through mobcore chicago records

Having imposter syndrome.

Releasing music through mobcore.

Have the songs done.

But i cant shake the feeling 

that im not "good" enough for that.

Depression and anxiety has been really loud.

I think its all related.

Ill share details asap.

Exhausted.

i took pictures of myself in my sleep

times

I feel empty. 

No stories in me.

I hate it.

All i do is work.

Something isnt right.